real.faith blog

• Walk around the sanctuary with a microphone, spot unfamiliar faces and ask, “And you sir, why do you only attend church on Christmas and Easter?”
• Have an invitation at the end, but keep holding out for “one last sinner” until the nice restaurants have stopped serving brunch.
• Announce that we are going to continue our yearly tradition of crucifying one attendee. “We’ve been successful at raising them from the dead all but twice. Any volunteers?”
• Deliver the entire sermon in a bunny costume for no apparent reason.
• Throw the offering money back, angrily denouncing it as “blood money.”
• Refuse to begin preaching until the Holy Spirit shows up either as a dove or as tongues of fire.
• “Ladies and gentlemen, our Sunday school teachers have hyped your kids up on sugar. They’re outside paving the parking lot and will be released to you very shortly. Now you’ll know how their teachers feel the Monday after Easter.”
• Have an Easter egg hunt in the middle of the service.
• Lock all the restroom doors in the church and inform the congregation that the church is under budget and we would appreciate their help watering the lawn.
• When a parent is unable to control their small child, accidentally let it slip that the Easter Bunny isn’t real.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 at 9:33 pm by Uncle Luther and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.