real.faith blog

Looking to start a new church or grow your mega-church? Do you feel your sermons aren’t tired enough, cliche’d enough or stale enough? Do you just need a break from sermon-writing? If any of this describes you, then Uncle Luther’s Boilerplate Pop-Christian Sermon template is just what you need to have church like the stars. Simply follow the template below for an awe-inspiring sermon that will be a blessing to both your congregation and your free time.

Scripture Reading: Try not to pick anything your congregation isn’t already familiar with. We recommend Jeremiah 29:11.

Sermon:
Step 1: Start by making small talk with your congregation. Keep it light, make a few jokes. Don’t forget to stay relevant by mentioning your newly acquired Starbucks addiction.

Step 2: Tell a story from your most recent trip on an airplane. The story doesn’t have to make sense to your congregation, it just needs to relate somehow in your mind.

Step 3: Pick a point so obscure from the day’s Scripture that it is almost irrelevant. Then, inform your audience that this was just an introduction to a three-part series that you will flesh out over the next few weeks.

Step 4: Drive home your point by re-telling an inspirational nugget you received in a forwarded e-mail that is new to you, but has been going around the Internet for ten years. Pass it off as your own.

Step 5: Issue a challenge to your congregation. This will make both you and your audience feel a sense of accomplishment. It will also provide a great opening question for the start of next week’s sermon.

I’m a little late getting to this. In fact, I haven’t posted a single blog over the course of the entire holiday season. I’ve been a little consumed with the “stuff” I got for Christmas. Just keeping it real, folks. Anyway, I’m going to wrap up 2009 the same way I did 2008, with the top 9 posts of 2009 across all First Hand Ministries websites. Here they are in absolutely no order:

GOD HELPS THOSE WHO (CAN’T) HELP THEMSELVES:  (from badasschristians.com) I’m not a subscriber to the phrase “God helps those who help themselves.” I’m also not a big fan of the church’s “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” mentality. This post is a reminder that neither phrase is found in the Bible.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT ANXIETY?: (from realfaith.blog) I wrote this blog when I was overcome with fear about something small and silly. It’s a simple list of encouraging Bible verses, but it has probably received the most traffic this year.

COMMON SENSE FOR CHRISTIANS: (from  realfaith.blog) This sort of sums up everything on this blog all year.

GOD’S CHISEL: (from teensite.net) This isn’t original content, but it is by far the most inspirational video I’ve seen on the web this year.

MISSING THE POINT: (from Jesus1st.Net) This little semi-poetic piece looks at the gap that often exists between the teachings of Jesus and the issues modern Christianity is most concerned about.

IF JESUS HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE: (from real.faith blog) Same as above, only a little more direct.

MENTAL HEALTH: THE CHURCH’S DIRTY LITTLE DEMON: (from badasschristians.com) Pearce, a guest blogger, shared her testimony about how the church she grew up in mishandled and misread her problems. Her testimony should make all Christians stop and think twice about how they feel about issues of mental health and psychology.

GOD IS NOT SHOCKED: (from real.faith blog) Do we really believe God is sovereign? Than why are we always so offended and outraged?

10 CHRISTIAN PHRASES THAT NEED TO BE EXCOMMUNICATED: (from real.faith blog) I received so much flack for this one. This was supposed to be a humorous post, but a bunch of my “brethren” took it too seriously. Some were upset because some of the phrases I picked as overused are actually found in the Bible (this doesn’t mean they can’t be over-used to the point where they lose their meaning, but that is just my not-so-humble opinion.) Others didn’t like that I used the word “excommunicated.” Some lightly chided me for not picking their most annoying Christianese phrase. Based on the feedback, I’ll probably have to write something like this again. Stay tuned.